I got me a domain and I'm afraid, very afraid, to use it

So. Apparently I now have my own domain. Am I the only one whose mind goes on this whole S-M bend when I see the word “Domain”? Probably. But I have given some thought to my ‘welcome to my world’ little ramble, it goes a little something like this:

Welcome to my Domain. The next whipping will commence in 30 minutes. Please report to the dungeon where your personal dominatrix will handcuff you to the wall. Please ensure that your persona dominatrix knows your safety word, phrase or signal. Please note that the following words are not suitable for use as safety words:
No
That tickles
Please Stop
That doesn’t tickle anymore
I’m begging you
What the hell is that!
You’re gonna put it where!?!
I feel faint
I see stars in front of my eyes, is that a good thing?
Oh my God I can’t breathe

Please note that passing out cold is not an acceptable safety signal and your personal dominatrix will continue punishing you because you’ve been a bad, bad boy.

If you really can’t come up with your own safety phrase, we recommend using “Gary Moore”.

No, I’m not really a s-m freak, just figure the pseudo porn allusions should get me some extra traffic. It’s a sad, sad day when you’re grateful for the glances of balding, 50 year old men sitting around in their aerated green underpants who visit your domain (I just love this word) in the hopes of seeing pictures of naked anything (male, female, canine, bunny rabbits, whatever, they’re not fussy).

Maybe my welcome needs a bit of work, huh?

I have big plans for this domain (there’s that word again :-), want to make it a freaky, funky cyber-place to hang out in for those people, like me, who don’t have a life.

And you can tell I don’t have a life because I do have a blog.